Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Watching TV

I have been busy at work. The consequence of which is that by the end of the day I am shattered and just want to go home and blob in front of the television and absolutely not go near a computer, or a stove, or a gym, or other people. But this won’t do. If I sound like I am repeating myself that is because I am. The story of my life is my inner battle with my personal addiction to Bad Television.

And when I say ”bad television” I really am not exaggerating. In my favour I do not watch reality TV …. much. I can be tempted by Fashion Police (yes seriously I am that sad) although in the past few months I have stopped watching. Joan Rivers’ biting wit is becoming a bit gnawed and her jokes quite racist. I used to think she was utterly inappropriate across the board so I rather admired her poking fun at everyone in the most politically incorrect way, but not anymore. I have to keep in mind, in all fairness, that she is in the world of celebrity gossip not satirical social or political comment. Joan Rivers has kept it funny and irrelevantly irreverent for so very long, but the dame is done now I think. I also liked watching the fashion, so much better than looking at the cat walk shows on Fashion TV. Digging a hole here aren’t I?

Talking of which, I nearly fell into that deep dark hole of reality TV cookery shows. Thank the gods I managed to claw my way out of that before I got utterly hooked. Watching Master Chef is an exercise that leaves you feeling miserably useless in the kitchen and emotionally involved in the chefs. Seriously, all they are doing is cooking.  Albeit  cooking better than I ever will. But still there are no demons to be vanquished no crimes to be solved and yet you get so hooked..... addiction...... hummmmm.

I am so glad I don’t watch sports. Can you imagine? I would be a nervous wreck. I do try and watch the occasional rugby game with Bryan. Why do men like company when they watch sport on TV? I even try and show an interest  in what is going on but once I have checked out who looks good, who needs a hair-cut, a shave, a bit of love ( some of those players look so cross) and sussed out the fashion statement worthiness of the  teams kit  I pretty much lose interest. And there is no point in trying to follow what is going on because then you have to concentrate on the game and that involves listening to the commentators and then I just fall apart. I know my English is not great. But lord give me strength, Rugby Commentators are a wonder in ridiculousness. They sound so bloody serious while they say the dumbest things. I have to leave. I simply cannot listen to that level of stupid unless it is in a teenage fantasy vampire TV series…….
I watch every terrible 30 minute sitcom that shows up. Mixology, FWBL, Men at Work- to name but a few of the more recent crop of bottom of the barrel entertainment. Melissa and Joey? Yes I watch that.

I watch Grimm, Chicago Fire, Once Upon a Time, Sleepy Hollow, Night shift, Twisted (sinking really low when you are watching TV shows targeted at 15 year old girls) I could go on and on and upset you all forever. So I will. I watch Defiance – It started again last night. YAY. Game of Thrones. I am get sucked into every Fantasy, Vampire, Science Fiction TV show that airs. Every clique in what passes for a “family life” on prime time TV has me sucked in. Depth of character? No thank-you. Murder and mayhem in New York or Las Vegas count me in. Burrowing into Criminals Minds of course I will be there.

"How shall we relax tonight? Autopsy, biopsy or just plain homicide?"

What I do not watch is the NEWS which is surprising because all the news channels available are pretty bloody dreadful. Let us not even start on FOX.....  And, as I have demonstrated, I do like rubbish. Actually I would go so far as to say that it is the fault of seriously bad TV news that I am an addict in the first place. If the news was of a higher calibre I am sure I would watch that and be “informed”. I find out something newsworthy has happened about a week after it is old news, which is not a bad thing. Once you have gotten over the Bullshit news that is 30 seconds new you might get a better picture of what is going on. I HATE BREAKING NEWS. It has stripped the journalism profession of its integrity.

Then we come to documentaries. These I watch rarely and when I do it is usually because they have won some award. I treat them in the same way that I treat Indie movies. As a special treat that you have every now and then when you are really, really, in the mood. NEVER, ever, as something to do after has a hard day of mindless work. OO, OO, light bulb moment! Maybe if I had a job that was more intellectually challenging I would not feel brain dead by the end of the day and would not watch “Zombiefing” TV all night.
What I should do.
I despise the nature / science channels almost as much as I dislike the news channels for pretty much the same reasons. What a complete load of hogwash we are expected to watch. I wish I could say that these shows are badly researched but they are not. A huge amount of resources are used to come up with the biggest load of dumbing down educational entertainment programming known to man, which is why I cannot watch them. I like my rubbish to be just that -Rubbish. Not Rubbish wrapped up in something else. Having thoroughly slated the“History” and “Science” channels I have to confess that I won’t even watch the very good stuff if it is in programme format. I yawn my way through “Walking with the Dinosaurs” and would no doubt do the same with “Cosmos”. I am a philistine at heart.

I do occasionally watch TV with the other members of our household and when I do that I dip into The Colbert Report” and“The Daily show with Jon Stewart” and of course now that John Oliver “Last Week Tonight” has his own show we watch that, the temptations never end. I listen to Real Time with Bill Maher on Bryan's i-pad but sometime he irritates me a bit – Bill Maher ,not Bryan, well he irritates me too sometimes when I don’t get my way all the time, but that is another matter altogether. Bill Maher just won’t let go of an issue, you know...

Anyway what brought on this rant is that the Emmy’s have come and gone and apart from the last batch of shows (which are on my sharing list of viewing) and Game of Thrones nothing I watch got mention. NOTHING. That says it all really.

I am beyond pathetic. I am a low life couch potato whose soul is being turned to mush by a flickering screen.